Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
