i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize