I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
