she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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