Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
