it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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