i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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