Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
