sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
