the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
did i walk over a car last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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