Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My nipple is on Facebook.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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