I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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