oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
