i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
