Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
