In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
