The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize