He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
