Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
