Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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