You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
