She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
