she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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