There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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