i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
