The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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