Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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