he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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