You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
