Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
