I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
