One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
soo... how was my night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
