I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
