Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
