i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
