Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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