you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
