she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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