so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
