YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize