ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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