Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
