i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
