Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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