oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
