I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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