Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize