I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
