im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
