Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
