mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
