If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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