So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
