Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
