dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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