her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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