I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize