I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
