Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
