i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
