wakey wakey hands off snakey
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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