I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
