he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
