when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
