My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
