You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
