1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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