Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
