What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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